Three years in the making, and a direct flight from Vancouver to start it.
Queenstown first, then a jet boat up the Dart River near Glenorchy. A boat across Lake Manapouri to a farm lodge on the edge of Fiordland, then an early start and a two-hour drive to get into Milford Sound before the day boats.
North to Wanaka after that. A via ferrata – the iron way – which is a ladder of rungs bolted into rock, and is honestly rock climbing for people who cannot rock climb. A helicopter onto a glacier, with kea parrots auditing the landing while my mother attempted to address them in their own language.
What makes the country absurd is the compression. Rock to trees to lake to glacier in half an hour of flying.
There is a rule I had been repeating on these trips for a while by this point: if there is an opportunity to jump in the water, you take it, or you regret it. A glacial lake counts. Nobody else was persuaded.
The most competitive hour of the trip was the maze at Puzzle World in Wanaka, where you can walk five kilometres without finding the exit.